Task 2Band 6.511 views

More people put their personal information online (address, telephone number) for everyday activities such as socializing on social networks or banking purposes. Do you think it is a positive or negative development?

Essay Response

269 words3 paragraphs

In today's era of technologies, people are increasingly sharing their personal information online, such as phone numbers and home addresses, to carry out activities like social networking, online shopping, and banking. Personally saying this is generally a good development, given the solid security systems in place and the greater convenience.

On one hand, posting personal information online can be dangerous and since hackers, scammers, and other cyber criminals exist, even a small leak of data can be used against someone. Criminals may use someone's personal phone number to gain access to their private accounts or to send fake letters, a home address can potentially be used to commit more serious crimes. In addition, all phishing attacks and breaches happen pretty often, and not many users realize how vulnerable they are after posting information publicly. Thus, the danger of cybercrime is considered serious. On the other hand, I support the idea of sharing personal information online because modern security systems are extremely advanced and difficult to bypass. Banks, social networks, and online services started using multi-layer protection: two-factor authentication, biometric verification, encrypted databases, and many more.

It is almost impossible for attackers to get access because of these technologies. Moreover, convenience provided by online platforms saves a big amount of time. People can make payments, confirm their identity or show something to other people instantly without visiting real offices. Such efficiency is worth much in today's fast pace of life. In conclusion, the strong security systems that were created in today's world make sharing data online comparatively safe, despite some risks, the convenience it offers is a mostly positive development.

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Detailed Feedback

This essay achieved a band score of 6.5. Key strengths include Clear position statement in the introduction and conclusion. and Good use of cohesive devices (On one hand, On the other hand, Thus, Moreover, In conclusion).. Areas for improvement: Some lexical inaccuracies and awkward phrasing. and The 'negative' side of the argument could be more deeply explored..

Overall Band Score

6.5/ 9.0
3paragraphs
269words

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